Joy in chaos? How can I find joy in chaos and confusion? How can I find joy when I can’t even find time to brush my teeth in the morning?
In the moment, which seems to be every moment, I tend to only focus on MY circumstance. Which makes finding joy impossible. Why do my boys always fight sleep? Is it really necessary for you to sit on your brother’s face? Can I just have five minutes to myself? Did I really forget to buckle you in your car seat again? Twelve months apart…this was not what I planned. Is this really what the rest of my life is going to look like?
Then I remember what joy really means…”rejoice, gladness, delight.” I struggle to look at those words and see any of that in my life. I don’t find delight in changing poopy diapers that have oozed out into clothing. I surely don’t find gladness in the persistent fight against my authority. And there’s no rejoicing in the never-ending days and nights. Why is it that I can’t rejoice, find gladness, and be delighted in motherhood?
My understanding of Joy has become so earthly. Not like hippie, tree-hugger, I eat bark kind of earthly. I’m referring to the selfish, not fair, this is MY life, kind of earthly. So when I see the definition of joy referring to delight and gladness, I feel so discouraged.
My joy lies in Christ…or at least it should. And if I’m focused on my circumstance (be it dirty diapers, exhaustion, or my lack of social life), I won’t ever see delight or gladness. If my hope and desires are solely in Christ, I will find joy in my circumstance, because they are drawing me closer to Him. That’s not to say that it’s easy, or even enjoyable at times. But I want to see the bigger picture…Christ. I want to see Christ in my circumstance. I take delight in knowing that every circumstance is conforming me more and more to His image. And in that I’m joyful.
“He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
Praying, moment by moment:
Lord, don’t give me a better circumstance, but rather, give me a more clear view of you in my circumstance.