Being a mom is more than I ever anticipated. More fun, more of a challenge, more loving, more needy, more exciting, more draining, more..well, everything. This has been a long road for me, learning how to sacrifice MY time for my son, and for my husband. And I’ve failed to sacrifice that same time for the Lord.
I need Him more than I need sleep, time with Oliver, water, alone time, work time, and even food. I had to fast recently for a blood test and as I was making breakfast for the boys (Oliver & his brother) I longed to eat even just a little bit of it. As I was fasting, my hunger pains got stronger and stronger (my appointment was at 10:30am) and I was dreaming about what I was going to eat whenever my appointment was over. I saw, for the first time in a while, how much I wanted to long for the Lord like I’d just been longing for food. It was a measly 12hrs that I didn’t eat food (and 75% of that I was sleeping) and it felt like days. I’ve gone months without really seeking and pursuing the Lord. Months! How do I ever expect to find satisfaction as a mother, a wife, and a godly woman without the Lord?!
I’ve had all kinds of ideas, desires, and pictures of what life was going to look like after I had kids. Again…nothing has turned out like I anticipated. My pregnancy, labor, attempts to nurse, and to continue to work full-time were destroyed. And my anticipation to have a beautiful sleepy baby…have again been crushed. I mean, he’s beautiful…but he’s not the sleepy kind. There are days when I long for grace from my husband…and even from Silas. I need their grace to know that I can’t finish the laundry, clean the house, cook supper, work my job, and still have time to hang out and play with them. I need their grace to know that when I’m exhausted it’s hard for me to share in their excitement. God’s grace has become so evident through all of this. A grace that is undeserving, unmerited, and far from anything I feel I can ask for. God’s grace is sufficient. It’s sufficient for me, for the homeless man in town, for the abusive husband, for the woman dying of cancer. His grace is MORE than sufficient. God’s grace is sufficient enough to allow me to grow so distant from Him, yet He still calls me by name. He still loves every part of who He created me to be.
I’m not only undeserving of this grace, but I absolutely cannot live without it. God’s grace in my everyday life teaches me humility and how to draw near to Him. And most of all, puts His power and glory on display. What an awesome opportunity I have as a wife and mother, to show the power and presence of God…just through His grace in my life! “Beloved, Christ’s grace is sufficient, not because it eliminates weakness but because it produces a human weakness through which a divine power surges.” – J. MacArthur.
God’s grace helps me to understand His Word, and apply it to my life. His grace allows me to overcome temptation and sin. I can endure suffering and disappointment, through His grace alone. My desire, motivation and efforts to obey Him can only be accomplished through His grace. This grace is a “surpassing grace”…a grace that surpasses every need. I will want and need nothing, through His grace.
What a wonderful God we serve.
“And God is able, or is powerful, is capable to make all grace abound to you in order that always having all sufficiency in everything you may have an abundance for every good deed.” 2 Cor. 9:8